Unlike me, who jumped ship after number 7, then came back for a moment because people said some of the old form Anita was in Obsidian Butterfly , this person stayed until 17. Yea, god...and apparently its gotten worse since.
From the Wiki, goddamn. Her vacuum super black-hole vagina has claimed more people. She made these characters into simps even before I learned what that meant. ALL HAIL THE HYPNOBITCHSUE! More of a Vampire then her actual vampires now. I have seen the horror. Mainly because ever so often Id read a bit at the brick and mortar store. I wanted her to get eaten by gators when they investigated the snake people in fl for about 20-40 pages. Rest was: I GOTTA TAKE CARE OF MY SIMPS! Male and female ones. There is no difference now, only Anita.
- Jean-Claude (Fiance/lover)
Richard Zeeman (ex-fiance ) THIS ONE WAS BASED OFF HUBBY 1 IRL.
Asher (lover) (BECAME A BUTT MONKEY CHARACTER FOR LKH to ABUSE EVEN MORE! The put on the narrative bus with Richard. So LKH can shit on them both. Because they dont worship at the altar of Sex Dues Machina. AKA what the frack did she call it ardeur? Its basically like getting an OVER 9000 level Upgrade but you have to have more sex then Zeus to sate it.
Nathaniel Graison (lover/Leopard to call)
Micah Callahan (lover/Nimir-Raj) THIS ONE IS BASED OFF HER FANCLUB PRES TURNED HUBBY #2.
Damian (vampire servant)
Jason Schuyler (Wolf to call)
Crispin (White Tiger to call)
Domino (Black Tiger to call) (deceased)
Jade - Yiyú (Black Tiger to call/First Female Lover)
Cynric (Blue Tiger to call)
Mephistopheles (Gold Tiger to call)
Alex (Red Tiger to call)
Nicky (Bride/Lion)
Rodrigo (Bride/Leopard) (deceased)
Rodina (Bride/Leopard)
Ru (Bride/Leopard)
Early Anita was fairly serious about her faith. Had good characteristics that were pretty in line with common virtuous things like humility and perseverance. She cared about innocents. That Anita would have never slept with Nathaniel, who was an abused male stripper when she first met him and underaged. Dear god LKH, you did a complete cluster fuck on your whole series. Because you are PANSEXUAL IRL now you gotta make your characters just like you? Dear god. After a point Anita is basically LKH but in much muuuuch better shape.
Most of the fanbase that left the series at some point will remark that its actually called Anita Blake: Vampire Humper. I broke away before NiC: Here, the List of Travesty:
- Guilty Pleasures (1993)
- The Laughing Corpse (1994)
- Circus of the Damned (1995)
- The Lunatic Cafe (1996)
- Bloody Bones (1996)
- The Killing Dance (1997)
- Burnt Offerings (1998)
- Blue Moon (1998)
- Obsidian Butterfly (2000)
- Narcissus in Chains (2001)
- Cerulean Sins (2003)
- Incubus Dreams (2004)
- Micah (2006)
- Danse Macabre (2006)
- The Harlequin (2007)
- Blood Noir (2008)
- Skin Trade (2009)
- Flirt (2010)
- Bullet (2010)
- Hit List (2011)
- Kiss the Dead (2012)
- Affliction (2013)
- I ripped this off the wiki, the summaries give you a decent idea without going though all the IKEA sex prose.
- IT has fuckin 27 books now. That's a whole lot of horny lonely 40+ year old women. As A woman myself, I feel I am qualified to make that statement.
- https://www.amazon.com/Anita-Blake-Vampire-Hunter-Book/dp/B077NMNN74
Let's see: Even though I love Honor Harrington, at least Mr. Weber knew she needed a stopping point to hand off the torch.
FL, you had one job in Book 26, one job! LET SOME GATORS eat her.
I mean, look how big this fucking thing is:
This entry has over 500 comments. I really feel for everyone, its like Star Wars turned Disney Wars all over again: Here: Abandon Ship!
This lady speaks the Tru Tru:(But I disagree with the Porn part, it also became terribad because of her "erotica" infusion.)
Watch Anita FUCK ANYTHING THAT HAS A PULSE!
- Consent? Anita doesn't know what that means anymore.
- Not gay for her, THE PLOT will make all "lovers" compliant. Even other wahmen.
- Gay men not interested? the PLOT will make it so Warp Factor "MUH QWEEN" Anita. Unless you are Asher and got put on the "YOU DISOBEYED" bus of Narrative "Who the frack cares about you now."
- Richard is the only sane one and that's cause he embodies the part that LKH wants to forget.
- Everyone is Anita's personal Emotional Rag or Purse Puppy.
- She hates blondes. Hmmm so much projection in this series. Even in the earlier books.
For me, ok, there can be Romance, Flirting whatnot, even sexual tension. What LKH did was a crime against everything romantic and sexy.
I thoroughly enjoyed the first few books. Then the gradual slide into mediocrity became an avalanche of shit.
And it's not because Hamilton started writing porn disguised as vampire fiction.
It's
because the books no longer have plots. So little action happens it's
maddening. And as an added bonus, because Hamilton's porn is AWFUL, it's
so poorly written it will make you laugh out loud.
What
used to be a series about a Christian vampire hunter/detective with a
rigid moral compass and was a total prude became a series about how hard
it is to be the only woman worth having and how to manage the feelings
of your harem, who act like a bunch of man-children. She went from a
character who struggled to save the day, to a person with god-like
powers who can overcome anything. Nothing can threaten her. The only
tension in the novels now is between her multiple sulky boyfriends
fighting over her.
Anita used to
see life through the lens of human good, vampire bad. She had a personal
relationship with God, she had doubts about herself, and she sure as
hell was not going to be friends, let alone lovers, with the undead.
And yet, it happens.
She
is subtly manipulated into viewing the undead as people, and she loses
her prudishness in a series of orgies that get more and more outrageous.
(It's not because she's having lots of sex that makes it bad. It's
because the sex parties for this prudish character are so unbelievable
AND so terribly written.) Also very little explanation is giving into
WHY Anita's thinking gradually changes about treating vampires as
people. Once the "ardueur" plot device is introduced, you can kiss any
sense of rationality out the window.
Contrast
back to the first few books. She is a necromancer especially gifted at
raising the dead and executing vampires, but there is sexual tension
between her and a vampire. That is a huge moral struggle for her because
she is a Christian and believes that vampires have no souls. They are
evil. She does not WANT to date one, she does not want to have sex with
one. And yet, ever so slowly, a beautiful vampire who is very
politically savvy manipulates her into seeing him as an ally, a friend,
and eventually a lover.
It was
this gradual shift in her moral compass and her struggle with herself,
plus the really cool detective stories, that was so gripping. There were
some really cool ideas about the supernatural!
And then it basically all got thrown out the window.
The
Were animal societies and their politics are so, so boring. Spare me
the were leopards, SO dull. Once she got to were tigers, red tigers,
white tigers, BLUE tigers, it was beyond redemption. Sadly the few male
characters who hadn't had sex with Anita basically fall into her vagina
of doom and become her lovers (when her regular lovers aren't available)
and it's just so ridiculous. The strong male characters become pale
shadows of their former selves.
You get to the end of a book where 90% of it was poorly written sex and ask yourself "what actually HAPPENED in this book?"
Where Dresden gets lots of good comics and even a tv show: This is what Anita got, Comicbook Fanfiction. Her books, even the early ones weren't particularly HIGH level but they were decent popcorn. Simple entertainment. Her first husband probably saved us from even more cringe stuff. He was her initial beta reader way back when.
When the spoofs of reviews are better then the source. Yup. Marvel has been in the cringe bucket for a while now. DC joined in. Complete with brain dead but that's another rant for another time.
MY GOD! Thats not the HOOVER DAMN! THAT'S ANITA's ORGASM! RUN AWAY!
- My boy toys so horny, me like them long time and girth. Should I even put a passage in.....lord give me caffeine.
A List:
- Dont need anyone but myself unless I need Validation.
- Acting like a 15 year old when this character is supposed to be near or at 30 now.
- Sex for no reason. Its mechanical. No emotion to it. Please insert pole and hole here.
- She gave Anita a literal sex Fu machina to make that the plot instead of an actual mystery.
- Anita has no hope.
- She a bitch.
- She a ho.
- Police and or AUTHORITY! suck besides the ones who believe in SAINT BRAVO INDIA TANGO CHARLIE HOTEL Anita.
- She loves no one but herself. She pretends to care about others as long as her needs are met.
- This is the series of THOTS and Simps. Esp after book 9. I think the big breakdown started happening in the Killing Dance personally.
Anita Blake influenced stuff like this. 40 year old cat ladies who write "love triangles." And female MC's who only think of themselves. She started an avalanche of crap. Cause the actual series started in the early 90s. So many creatives in Marvel and DC are in that age group to have been affected by all this shit. Well, the ones they hire from YA land that is.
For LKH case, this should be the DE-EVLOUTION of the Urban Fantasy Protag. Why is she even on this panel? She's the Brian Micheal Bendis of Book Writing.
I know my break up with this series was akin to what happened with Disney Wars Sequel Trilogy or even Current Superman but I had no words for this at the time. She basically shot the old Anita into the sun because this whole series was very much therapy the whole time for her and I think the first husband kept her in check in some ways. Along with some editors at the time. She changed publishing houses part way through the series. Books 1- 9 by ACE, then the rest by BERKLEY and that's where the ultimate train wreak started. Number 10: NiC aka Even Zapp Branigan wouldn't tap that.
LKH is the reason why I have a deep abiding mistrust of PARANORMAL anything. She was Rian Johnson before he was popular for subverting things.
THIS HOUSE IS CLEAN!
I would go on further but some are on phones. I feel much better now.
GOOD STUFF THAT BLOWS ANITA OUT OF THE WATER!
Saint Tommy
The Prodigal Son
A Traitor to Dreams
Hell, this one is better written sensual book stuff: LKH needs to take notes. And this one I consider mindless entertainment, which isnt bad, just popcorn. Messenger that is.
Shoot the Messenger
Adobe Kroger
The Comic
Kill that Succubus Anita by buying quality over thottery.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis makes harem look wholesome by comparison.
DeleteIt really does, at least some harem stuff does the emotional aspect better.
DeleteCrutch here
ReplyDeleteI'm roughly in line with the main line of criticism from this and all linked sources, except for perhaps one thing: the overemphasis on "slut vs prude" when talking about later vs earlier books. I don't remember Anita being that much of a prude or "proud Christian" in the early books. She seemed basically normal in her approach to sex and her faith was a thematic concern of "staying on the good side while having to vent allegedly evil powers" and also as literal protection against the monsters. She didn't go around preaching though.
As for later Anita, the problem isn't that she's a slut, or a thot or whatever. The problem is there's nothing else there. Where once there was a badass necromancer kicking ass and taking names, fairly interesting lore and world building, and varied interesting characters and villains, there is now only the harem and the associated angst, and every problem is resolved by fucking. Relationship drama? Fuck it out. Baddies want to kill you? Fuck it out. Supernatural prehistoric evil wants to possess you? You better believe that's a fucking it out. We went from Urban Fantasy to just LHK's private time fantasies. She can write all the porn she wants. But the tragedy is she's strangled a good series to do so.
It's a shame because I've always wanted more fiction about necromancers and this was my main source. Remember when we were excited about how she was going to beat a neanderthal vampire that causes earthquakes? Or a literal demon? Or an Aztec vampire that drained the very life from her victims and made flayed zombies? Fuck I want more of that, not WereFucking: Gotta Catch Them All! If she writes a book where Anita raises a graveyard of zombies, then her and Edward go light up a vampire nudist colony with shotguns and flamethrowers, and that's the end of it, I'll be back. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure I can do better.
Yep, the early books had actual plots. From what I have seen via flipping through later books, it has 90% IKEA sex scenes with some small sliver of plot stuffed in. In any event I am more inclined to be very biased against this series now. I don't remember stuff as clearly now because of how the series just devolved into SUPER POWERS via Sucking them all Dry in various ways to brute force the antagonist into being no threat.
DeleteWe can all do better then Anita nowadays. I had to list this as a rant because at this point, this series is more of a train wreak then Star Wars, Star Trek, and Doc Who combined. To me at least.
Ultimately I needed to vent. TO me she did devolve into a navel gazing "me me me" type personality and LKH, in my opinion reanimated the corpse of her series and whore'd it out to the worst kinda fate. If she wanted to write porn, she should have just make a pen name, put some books out with the usual romance erotica sub-category. Fin! But she took an Urban Paranormal Fantasy series and lobotomized it. Then gave it back to the fanbase and she wonders why so many jumped ship. Broken base doesn't even cover it. Crutch is on point though, when I was first reading these books, I saw it through a more catholic lens, still do. So the way it derailed was even more distasteful to my own POV.
DeleteBut I do feel lighter now. I had to get this out of my system. Now onto other things worth much more while then Ms. Blake, Forever Vampire Humper.